Thursday, November 03, 2005

Speaking of squirrel fornication...

Anyone been to Courthouse Park lately? (How's that for a segueway?)

Watch those squirrels. Seriously, those bitches are fearless. They will carjack you and remove your kidneys and sell them on the black market for hickory smoked almonds and crack cocaine. While humping your leg. Hey, I'm just sayin'.

I had jury duty today. My first ever summons. BOOOOOO!

Evidently, I appear to be a. easily influenced, b. a productive member of society, and c. a sentient being (well, sort of). Because you're looking at the immortal words of she who is now known as "Juror Number One."

Say it with me now: "CRAP!" I KNEW I should have worn the bone in my nose and the "I Heart Satan" T-shirt!

I can't talk about the case, (which is just as well, because I know you're all reading this at work and you'd be snoring within mere seconds and wake up drooling with the Q from your keyboard implanted in your forehead). The saving grace is that it's only a two day trial. I am the youngest person on the jury by at least a decade or so, and it's definitely some serious culture shock.

A few notable moments: I almost fell asleep during the closing arguements today. Oh and then I started watching the judge and inwardly amusing myself with his facial expressions. They are indescribable. No I mean it, but I may try to detail them tomorrow just for the hell of it.

Eh- I also went and blew some $$$ on my first Christmas gift of the season. I actually better wrap and hide before the man comes home, since it's for him.

Oh, and the guy I asked for his male input in the store said to tell Alan that his Christmas gift is "approved by a Marine Drill Instructor." That's right- it don't get much more butch than that, kids. Unless he was like, a green beret/mule skinner or something. Do they still make those? (Uh- did they ever make those?)

In the interest of shameless self-flattery, he also complimented me on my great taste in gifts and my fashionable shoes (Knee-high square toed black leather boots with three inch heels, baby! I mean, who wouldn't love those?)

Ok. Well, Angela calls them my "drag queen boots." But I think that the drag queen factor just magnifies their infinite fabulosity. Besides, they are not platform (well not much), and they totally lack sequins. So there. You're just jealous, ho!

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