Thursday, December 13, 2007

Cleaning the house

Guess what? It sucks. But at least I will have clean underwear. And hopefully, whatever died in the fridge was hiding in the bag of squishy apricots.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Mixed Media

Secret Squirrel and I went out to catch up with each other last night. She arrived home from a two-week trip to Italy, then her mom was having health probs, and then she needed to be out of town for work, and it adds up to us not hanging out in almost a month.

We went to P.F. Changs, then over to Borders to use their goddamned impossibly good coupons. 3 CD's for $10.45 each? We'll take 30.

As a public service announcement, Squirrel would like to tell the world that while Italy is great, Venice was the best part. Ahem.

So we are in Borders, digesting our Chinese food, and makng an attempt to find CD's that meet the criteria on the coupon (no double discs, nothing UNDER the sale price, etc.) and just talking about our respective days.

Me: I got bawled out by a customer today.

S: Seriously?

Me: She kept repeating that I wasn't "listening to what she was axeing."

S: Lovely.

Me: It was an experience.

S: Were you not listening?

Me: I listen just fine...I think it may have been her communicating that was a little off. She kept repeating, "So you just have 14's, right?" And she was waving a jacket at me, and I said that we did have 14's, and they were throughout the store, and the jacket she was looking at was on sale, and there were no more in the back, so if there wasn't a 14 there, we didn't have any more. Then she blew up at me that I wasn't listening to what she was axeing.

S: Great. I remember there was a kid who went to catholic school with me, and he said axe instead of ask. One of the nuns would just grill him in front of everyone every time he did it.

Me: Poor kid.

S: I know. She was really mean.... she was like a demon. A Demon Nun.

Me: Hehehe...Demon NUN? That has a nice ring to it. That's going to be the name of our chick band. The Demon Nuns.

S: It sounds like a play on "demon rum"

Me: I was actually thinking of "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Nun Of Fleet Street".

S: I totally want to see that movie.

Me: How did I get from "axeing" to Sweeney Todd? How non-linear is THAT?

S: It's not much a a jump actually, if you think about it.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Things I love, 1-10

1. Baby penguins. Even when they make me cry. I think they are the cutest animal babies ever. (And yes, that is a bold statement, but I am prepared to back it up.

2. Knitting- relaxing, engaging, incredibly frustrating, but also incredibly rewarding.

3. Kids books. I have the whole Anne Of Green Gables set, Chonicles of Narnia, all the Louisa May Alcott stuff, and of course, Harry Potter.

4. Freezer confections- Most specifically, orange popsicles and Drumsticks.

5. Felt tip markers and the 64 pack of Crayolas. I just like to have them.

6. My wedding ring- a vintage design, from the fifties.

7. The front courtyard, which we made ourselves- when it’s done, it will be my fave place to hang out.

8. Fresh fruit- especially strawberries and pineapple.

9. Bearded iris- Especially the ones that smell heavenly.

10. Halloween. Not because of the candy, because I get to dress up!

Monday, August 20, 2007

Rock This Town

So Secret Squirrel and I went to Jack's First Show on Friday night. We had a great time counting mullets and breast implants. The music was fantastic too!

The Stray Cats (original lineup! EEeeeeeeee!) started off, and they were the highlight for me. They were totally on top of their game. Of course Bryan Setzer has been busy with his orchestra and other stuff, so he's never stopped singing and performing, but the three of them put on an amazing show. There were only a few people who had obviously just come to see them- the Bettie Page bangs and tattooed sleeves and pompadours were pretty thin on the ground- but the whole audience caught on quickly and most of the floor section was on their feet after the first song. And they played my favorite, Fishnet Stockings, which was really unexpected.

Any group who has been around since the 1980's and can still vault over their drum kits and stand on the upright bass while playing...mad props. You guys are killer!

The Pretenders, to be fair, also played a wonderful set. (No Middle Of The Road though... hmph) However they flunked the "Know Your Audience" portion of the evening. Chrissie Hynde gave a shout out to all the animal activists in the audience.

This was met with an almost deafening silence. You could see her brain processing- Ok, you're in Fresno....maybe they didn't get it? So then she gave a shoutout to the vegetarians. Which perhaps isn't what you would want to do at a concert when ZZ-Top is the headliner, and you're following a rockabilly act, and you're in one of the only conservative patches of California.

There was booing. There was hissing. Secret Squirrel and I were still cool with her, until she stuck out her chest and flexed and said, "Well, I guess if you're not a vegetarian, you don't want to look like THIS!

Okay. For the record, she does look great, although a big part of that is due to the long shaggy bangs that cover a multitude of sins. (As I said to Secret Squirrel- Yeah, that's a pretty good long-range plan...if nobody's ever seen your forehead, who's to say how wrinkled it is? You could be a Shar-pei under there.)

However, the way not to endear yourself to your audience is to imply that they're a bunch of obese assholes.

And it may have had an unintended effect on Secret Squirrel and I. We skipped ZZ-Top and went to a steakhouse, where we both made a concerted effort to order the reddest meat we could find.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


The Man and I were discussing favorite memories of our relationship. I mentioned our first weekend together in Monterey. He hemmed and hawed for awhile, and then he said,

"You know, I just remember waking up snuggled next to you, the first time you spent the night. It was raining that morning, and it was just so great to be able to hold you close and look at your beautiful face while you were sleeping. I couldn't believe that you were there with me. And I thought to myself, 'I wonder how long it will take for me to totally screw this up?' "

You know, I complain a lot, but moments like this make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Totally totaled

I don't know if I have ever mentioned it around here, but at one time in my life, I took diet pills.

No, not the dreaded Phen Phen- my crack of choice was called Bontril, and yes, it worked.

It also made me completely insane. Right before my wedding, I stopped taking it, mainly because I was under enough stress without being so cracked out I was unable to sleep.

But at some point, I bought some pills from a shady online pharmacy, and at some point, they have sold my name to some other shady online pharmacies, all of whom seem to outsource their telephone solicitations to India.

Every couple of months, they inundate me with phone calls for a few days.

Have I mentioned that I am also on the Do Not Call List?

I finally got fed up and checked the rules for companies you have done business with in the past, and they explicitly state that any company you have done business with can call you, within 18 months after your last transaction. After that, not only are they just like any other phone solicitor, but they can be fined up to $11,000 if they keep calling. Take that, suckers!

So I reported them. And now I am HOPING that they are stupid enough to call me again.


Since I feel like myself again for the first time in I-don't-know-when, I definitely think I am going to have a productive day today.

Yes, I have a list. And I am already dressed for the gym, which is literally amazing. My Gigabeat is charging- now I just need to find my freakin' gym card.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007


That's me, reappearing.

I taught two groups of kids for science camp last week, and between that and my progesterone, I would get home every day and conk out until about 7PM.

I am finally recovered, for the most part. Woohoo!

Things are running pretty smoothly in my neck of the woods. BowGirl is getting divorced (which she is very very happy about) and Secret Squirrel has a boyfriend.

Now, if I could just stay awake for long enough to do the laundry.