Monday, October 30, 2006

Spring forward, fall off.

Ok, I have no excuse. I don't even really have a specific reason for being so erratic about teh blog. I guess I just like to keep peeps on their toes!

Disjointed ramblings:

Top 5 places to hide Halloween candy from your husband-

1. Behind the trash bags

2. In the cabinet containing the cleaning products

3. Trunk of unwashed car

4. Laundry basket

5. Crisper drawer of fridge, beneath bags of pre-pack salad

All of these would totally work in my house- however, I opted for:

6. Behind boxes of diet soda on the lowest shelf of the pantry.

It seems to be working. I just wish someone would hide it from me- I have already fallen victim to the siren song of the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Behold, a conversation chez moi:

The Man: You bought new yarn.

Me: Yes. Are you monitoring my stash?

The Man: Which one?

(This is the part where, if you are a knitter, your blood runs cold.)

Me: What do you mean, which one?

The Man: Well- there are the boxes of yarn in the spare room closet...and the yarn in the two big baskets in the entertainment center....and the yarn filling the entire cedar chest in the living room. Am I missing any?

Me: Uh....

The Man: Would you even tell me if I found it all?

Me: I plead the fifth.

Between stashing yarn, working my butt off, and prepping for my favorite holiday, I have been archiving our CD collection. More than 500 done so far, and I am not even halfway done. When the hell are we going to listen to it all?

In other news, I have been corresponding with my ex-boyfriend from college. The Man has no cause for worry, that train has sailed. Still, it's been interesting catching up on the last ten years, and I have even managed to keep myself from saying "I TOLD you she was a bitch!!!"on several different occasions. Let's just say that as girlfriends of my ex go, I was probably the sanest of the lot. Which is saying something.

So, I am trying to decide if I should dress up for the trick-or-treaters tomorrow night. The Man and I did go to a halloween party, and this year was much better than last year. The best part is that we went as Perseus and Medusa. Yes, pictures will be forthcoming.

I finally watched Red Eye on cable. Cillian Murphy never fails to give me the creeps. EUGH! I can't even look at him without skeeving. That being said, it was a decent thriller. But still! *skeeve*

Monday, October 23, 2006

What happened to my weekend?

Every two weeks, I go to San Francisco for acupuncture.

Yes, it has something to do with the whole baby issue. And evidently, it is the point that people who hardly know me are saying things like, "You're so much calmer!"

The people who DO know me well have hatched a conspiracy theory which involves my unknowingly having taken some kind of Chinese lithium. (For the record, that one was Secret Squirrel, who watches way too much CSI.) But The Man has noticed. My family have noticed. And while it's great that it's working, there's some part of me that is resentful. (Ack! Was I so horrible before?!!!!)

I know they won't answer this honestly, for fear that I will suffer a relapse and attack them with a Salad Shooter. But still...! I am fully awarethat some things which would have rendered me apoplectic with rage at one time now are just sort of irritating, but nothing to get worked up over. Recognizing this while it's happening is sort of surreal.

Anyway. My regimen involves the needles, and an everchanging formulation of Chinese herbs that has come to be known simply as "Ass Tea." (Rhymes with NASS-TY!) The nearest way I can describe the taste? Murky. If you need more detail? It's like top ramen flavor packets with the salt removed. Yep. Taste sensation! I usually throw in some Crystal Lite, which is probably not condoned by ancient Chinese medicine, but does manage to camouflage the ass to some degree.

So, San Francisco. Secret Squirrel tagged along, and we had many strange and hilarious conversations. One that came up was the sad, strange take of Lorena Bobbit. Yes, guys, women talk about this all the time...and we laugh.

Me: "Whatever happened to Lorena, anyway?"

SS: "Well, she went to jail. I mean, she chopped it off."

Me: "I never understood that. Wouldn't he be pretty wiggly? He must have woken up.
Did she use anaesthetic? A machete? How is that logistically possible?"

SS: "Um, I think he was pretty drunk, but he woke up in the middle of it."

Me: "Welll...ouch."

SS: "I was always surprised there were no copycat crimes afterwards."

Me: "Well...I think men were probably much more zealous in guarding the junk after that. They were pretty traumatized, as I recall. Didn't they find it and sew it back on, and then he did porn or something?"

SS: Welll- I mean, she chopped it off, then ran off and threw it in a field. THEN they sewed it back on."

Me: "Thanks for the timeline."

SS: "Well, it couldn't have been out there too long. He's lucky. I mean, it could have been eaten by wild dogs."

Me: A dingo ate my penis!!!!!!BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA......

Yeah, that's pretty much how the whole weekend went. We talked and laughed a lot, bought some yarn (aka crack) from Artfibers, met up with my sister for drinks, and ate some meals that were completely insane, but totally worth it.

On the way home, we hit the Bridge School Benefit, which was fantastic. It was worth it for the Foo Fighter's acoustic set alone.

Always Read The Label.

So, I went to SF this weekend (more on this tomorrow). First, I have something to get off my chest.

We went to Sephora. I spent way more than I intended to, which is what happens every time I go in there. Three bottles of nailpolish, Bare Escentuals foundation and concealer, a really cool eyeshadow palette- and then I remembered OH! yeah...I am out of eye/lip makeup remover. So I bought the store brand, which was a pretty good deal, I thought. I have had great experiences with the Sephora brand, and for eight bucks...well, how could I go wrong?

It wasn't until I got back to the hotel and tried out my new purchase that I realized I'd been had. At first I was thrilled, because it did indeed work like a charm on my waterproof eye makeup and all day lipstick. But...there was something really familiar about the smell and consistency, so I checked the label. One ingredient- petrolatum.

In case you don't know what petrolatum is?


I paid $8 for an OUNCE of Vaseline (but Vaseline made in France!) cleverly repackaged in a cute little tube. Considering that you can buy a 13 oz. tub of the stuff for $4.49 at CVS online...that's what? Like over 1000% markup? Great.

There are way too many dirty jokes possible here, so I am just going to let it go.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Project Runway

Well, crap.

I hate it when I'm right.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

The biggest one-horse town in California.

So, I am in Fresno.

This post is going to be pretty vague, due to the non-disclosure agreement that I signed when I started my job.

I grew up here in Fresno. I know a lot of people because of that. Due to the nature of my job, the huge social circle of my parents, and my husband's ties to the military, I need to be careful when I run into people. Note to self- it's "Nice to SEE you", not "Nice to meet you!" Invariably, I screw that one up, mainly because my ability to match faces with names is god-awful.

Anyway. I was given a dossier on a little girl to tutor. It had an addendum that part of the reason that she was having problems in school was because of a family tragedy- her father had died violently a few months before and since she was shy anyway, they wanted someone with a "bubbly" personality.

I showed up on the front doorstep on Monday, and when her mother answered the door, she shrieked, "Jenna! I didn't know you were tutoring!"

They're friends of friends. People we knew by first names only, and so I had no idea that this was someone I had spent time with at birthday parties and barbecues.

I was literally gobsmacked. In the meantime, the friends who are the link between us, called, and gave me all the gory details.

Every time I look at this sweet little girl, who is just caught in the middle of all this crap- it just breaks my heart. And all I can do is correct her spelling and teach her how to multiply, and try not to get too involved.

Sorry. This has been bugging me since Monday.

Here we go...

Project Runway finale is tonight.

I am such a PR dork. I am beyond excited.

I really don't care what the outcome is, as long as Jeffrey doesn't win...although I have a sinking feeling that The Angry Little Peanut is going to take it. At this point, I love love love Laura's stuff, even though it's not exactly young or "boob-friendly". Michael's stuff looks like it came straight out of Captain Save-A-Ho's trophy collection. I have always liked Uli, and I actually think she's a contender for the win (Of course, I may be in denial- see above re: Jeffrey.)


Friday, October 13, 2006


Remember that kitten I was talking about?

This picture is of Lucky on her second day with us. She's staked out the bed as her own personal property, and she communicates in sweet little squeaks and trills, which I hope she never grows out of. And her favorite thing ever? Is playing fetch with the fun-fur mice I bought for her.

There were originally two mice. The first guy lost his felt tail and exploded early on, but this guy has been hanging in there. I decided that he probably needed to be retired. Before we went back to the pet store, I decided to see if I could possibly build a better mouse.

So I busted out the knitting needles, along with Stitch N' Bitch Nation and gave it a go. The pattern is called the CatWarming Set. I was about halfway through with my mouse before I realized there had to be a mistake in the pattern somewhere, but I didn't feel like looking it up. (And yes, today, I found the correction on the Stitch N' Bitch website. D'Oh!

Still, I think the little guy turned out really cute, if a bit skinnier than anticipated due to the error in the pattern. I added whiskers and stuff- i think next time, I will modify the pattern and knit him in the round, because I really freaking hate mattress stitch.

No matter what he looks like, Lucky has been carrying him around since last night, so I guess he is a hit!

In the meantime, Big Fatty (aka Tiramisu) has not been happy as part of a two-cat household. He's adjustting, but slowly. In the meantime, I tried to placate him with more knitting, this time, the felted Kitty Pi Bed from Wendy Knits.

Here it is, pre-felting:

"Dammit! She ruins EVERYTHING!!!"

"Well...maybe it will be OK."

Oh Hell no! My new bed, it has been DEFILED by her MERE PRESENCE!!!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Benny's from heaven.

I am a sucker for a good pun. The title of this post is also the title of a Rhumba Bums song- their re-working of "Pennies From Heaven".

The giggles are all in the intro, about how a soldier comes home after a three year tour of duty, and his wife has a three-month old baby. So he kinda does the math and says, OK, honey, where'd the kid come from? So after this long build-up, they start in with "Benny's...Benny's from heaven...!"

Maybe I am just a swing dork, but The Man and I thought it was hilarious. Even more hilarious because the lead chanteuse, Carmen, is probably about 7 months preggers.

So we had a great time, and even got some dancing in. Then we rushed to the car so The Man could get to work on time, and I managed to catch part one of the Project Runway finale. I can't even express what I think about it at this point- besides, these guys sum it up better than I ever could.

Today has been pretty darn good. Work is going great- I am teaching four classes a week, and have about 20 science workshops scheduled over the next two months. My employers are wonderful people, and I definitely feel appreciated, which is something I will never again take for granted. Most of the kids are great (as usual, there are one or two exceptions) and I am having a fantastic time. Who knew that enjoying your job was even a possibility?

Um. I am enjoying this so much, that I am thinking about heading back to school and getting my teaching credential. Maybe it's temporary insanity? Whatever happens, it will have to wait until The Man is out of college, sometime next year.

This is so bizarre- I feel so grown up!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Get Lucky.

So I was cruising around online Monday night, and I thought I would check in to see how some of my fave modern swing bands are doing.

Just for kicks, I took a gander at the Steve Lucky and the Rhumba Bums tour schedule. They usually play SF, but I have been there a lot recently, and The Man has expressed a desire to see them.

So imagine what a pleasant surprise it was when I saw the listing for 10/11/06- The Big Fresno Fair. I love love love their music, they are fantastic live, and they're actually playing Fresno. Who doesn't love a band who has a double-entendre-packed song about gravy?

Here they are on Amazon, if you're curious.

OK, the drawback is that *cough* it's THE BIG FRESNO FAIR. But for Steve Lucky et al, I will brave the wilds of the Thug Life crowd and all eight bajillion babymammas. Well, plus the big musical act is The Black Crowes, so I am guessing that might have some affect on the usual suspects in attendance. Hopefully, I can convince The Man to make an evening of it.

So- great music, a night out with the hubby, and maybe an old fashioned cinnamon roll.

And then tonight is the first part of the finale of Project Runway.

My cup runneth over!

I melted my Visa card.

So, we all know, I am a knitter, and a reader. And you put those together, and you get... an unhealthy obsession with knitting books.

I seem to have had some kind of blackout over the last couple of weeks. Combined with the credit card and (Damn you Amazon! Damn you!) ... well, let's just say it's not a pretty picture.

I somehow have 10 new knitting books. Count 'em, 10. On top of the 30 or so that I already have. This is not counting the knitting magazines, which I really don't want to talk about, aside from that old saw- "Admitting that there is a problem is the first step to recovery." Or something like that.

And did I mention, I also placed pre-orders on two more books that are coming out later this year?

Oh, and there's one more that should be showing up tomorrow:

Knitting needles. Yarn. Martini glass. Yea, is The Promised Land!
Yeah, if there's any combo that would make me click "Add To Cart" juuuuuust one more time, that's it up there.

I wonder if Blue Shield covers this.

Tag! You're it.

Yes, I have been pretending that I didn't have all these blogs for awhile. Then I logged in, and I realized...Blogger now has TAGS. Bless you, Blogger!

So- I am probably not going to be maintaining three blogs, just one. Good old TMWA will likely be the one to stay put. The knitting and weight loss stuff will just be posted here under different tags, and then we can all live together in peaceful harmony. Or something.

Anyway, to quote the fabulous Tim Gunn: "Carry on! Make it work!"

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Le Freak, C'est Chic.

FREAK OUT. (Guys, you may want to avert your eyes.)

I went to the doctor today. For THAT check up. Since I haven't had THAT checkup since 2003 (whoops) I figured I better go in before my fallopian tubes fell off or something.

I really like my OB-GYN (which I suppose is a good thing, under the circumstances.) He's cool, and he's gotten used to my sense of humor, and he always remembers my last knitting project and asks how it turned out. And usually, I lie and tell him that I finished it, because my state of yarn-ho-ness is just out of control right now.

Anyway, a couple of enlightening tidbits for the ladies:

If you're in a monogamous relationship, you only need to come in for THAT checkup every two to three years. And here I was thinking I was being severely negligent! Evidently not. I love accidentally turning out to be responsible.

The best thing EVAR:

Okay, so it has always been my opinion that any individual who could come up with a non-humiliating scenario for the standard Pap test would be an overnight bazillionaire. I am informed that this is now on the horizon, and is already in practice in Denmark and some other countries.

Since cervical cancer is caused by PID, women can actually test at home for the virus. If it comes up positive, they'll come in to the doctor for a Pap test. If not, well, hallelujah! No stirrups for you, lucky ladies of Denmark!

Now for that "freak out" portion.

During the breast exam, my wonderful doc discovered some abnormal feeling scar tissue in one of the girls. He reassures me that he's not worried, and I shouldn't be either, but he wants to get it checked out just to be safe. So I go in for an ultrasound next week.

Yes, I am worried, but the odds are that it is nothing. I haven't told my parents yet, and I was debating about telling The Man, because I knew what the reaction would be. (I did tell him though, and for the record, I was right.) Anyway, I go in next Thursday.

Sunday, October 08, 2006


Why do I think this is so funny?