Monday, June 18, 2007


OK. I feel like this blog has been a huge outlet for all my doubts and negativity. I hate talking about what is happening with me right now, simply because things are so up in the air and uncertain, and I am having a hard time dealing with it.

So, I am taking a break. Hopefully my issues will be resolved sooner, rather than later, and I can go back to writing about things that are light and entertaining, rather than bitching about my back fat and the long-suffering people who make up my support system.

Thanks for reading...see you in a few.

Uh huh.

I have been sleepng a lot.

Evidently, when you mess around with your hormones, bad things happen.

I went to the gym 5 days last week. And last night, The Man snuggled up with me and says "mmmmmm...honey, have you gained weight?" He could tell by looking at my BACK. AIIIIGH!

I have. These hormones are killing me. I am trying to stay active and keep my eye on the prize, blah blah blah. Hopefully, this month, it will pay off.

Monday, June 04, 2007


I have mentioned here many times that I hate, hate, HATE having my picture taken.

I was walking into the store yesterday, when I noticed a man in a truck. He was sitting there and I THOUGHT he was talking on the phone.

"Gee, " I thought. "That phone is awfully far away from his face. He's not talking...maybe the person on the other end is really loud? And why is he moving it in an arc as I walk past?"

Then the light bulb (in my head) went off. That jerk was either filming me or taking my picture as I walked past! And there is absolutely nothing I could do about it.

I am so creeped out and irritated by this. Gah!! Gah!!!!

So either I am going to provide wanking material or I am about to become a Glamour Don't.


In the last three days, I have run into three people from my past. We're talking, 15 to 20 years ago.

All of them have immediately recognized me, known my name (first and last), where they knew me from, and in some cases, what college I went to and that I got married.

Granted, I wasn't on a best-friend basis with any of them (two women I went to high school with, and one guy I went to church with) . But the fact that they knew all of these things about me, when all I could do was stare blankly is a little embarrassing. I mean, I could register them as being vaguely familiar-looking but indistinguishable from the cable repairman or the next door neighbor.

There are also scads of people who "recognize" me, usually about one a week. "Don't I know you from somewhere? You look so familiar!" I just smile and say that there must be some other ahem "generously proportioned" woman with similar coloring, who looks a little bit like me.

And now I'm thinking, "Shit! What if that was my gynocologist? or someone I used to babysit?" And of course, I am drawing a complete blank.

This is getting embarrassing. Espectially because they all these people who know me from high school basically say that I look exactly the same, and I patently do not (hello, FIFTY pounds!!!!). I am guessing that looking thirty when you are actually 16 may have its benefits. Let's hope it carries over into my fifties.

So yeah, it's beginning to bother me that I can't remember names and associate them with faces. Is it just that I'm preoccupied, or do I have a brain tumor? And have I mentioned that Alzheimer's and senile dementia run in my family?

Perhaps you too will be able to recognize me in a few more decades. I will be the really young-looking old lady wearing all the sequins and a pair of bunny slippers, announcing loudly that the bed linens in the store window are "nipple pink!" While my minders discreetly try to bundle me back onto my Lark.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

I think the word I am looking for is "nonplussed."

Have you ever gone out with a friend- someone who is fun, and you like them, and you get along really well....and then suddenly they get wasted and turn into a freaking weirdo?

Well, that happened to me last night. I think it may have been magnified by the fact that I was not drinking, and she was.

I feel bad, because I really do like this person, but basically she had a couple of shots and turned into a rampaging ho. She always has liked attention from men, and that's cool, but....We're talking, she was basically performing fellatio on strawberries. And rubbing my arm suggestively with a phallic object in order to garner male attention. You know. The kind of stuff that you may be able to excuse in a college student, but coming from someone in their forties....yeah.

Acting slutty and desperate is not high on my list of things to do on a Friday night. I am not a prude, but I was incredibly embarrassed to be associated with her. (I have no wish to appear slutty by association.) And I couldn't leave, because she had driven over from the restaurant.

As soon as The Man got out of work, I asked him to please, PLEASE come and get me. I asked my drunk friend to send me a text when she got home safely. I would have stayed until the bitter end, but watching her act that way was seriously torture.

She did send me a text, to the effect that one of the guys she was talking to (someone I vaguely know) had text-messaged her a picture of his penis. Oh, and she had just gotten home.

Me: He sent you a penis pic?!

Drunk Friend: Yeah! Do you want to know-

Me: NO! I am very happy not knowing. Please don't tell me.

DF: *giggles*

Me: You know, if a guy has a picture like that in his cell phone, how many women do you think he's shown it to?

DF: I dunno. Most of the guys I know have those pics in their phones.

Me: Are you serious?

DF: It's a guy thing. That, and they always have a picture of their car.

OK. Am I just a complete and utter Pollyanna? I am trying to be objective about it, but I really want to know if I am being a dork, or what. I would bet money that most of the men I know don't have a pic of the big P that they send out to random women. So either I am delusional, or her male friends are uncouth. I am thinking it's probably the latter. Any thoughts?