One of my dear friends is in town for part of this week. We proceeded out to my regular watering hole, where we managed to get relatively wasted on three drinks apiece. Holla!
We ended up somehow discussing how much we had changed since we were untying each other's gym shoes in PE in Junior High. TWENTY years ago.(The answer, for the record, is "A Lot." Thank God.)
Another popular topic was "How crazy are YOUR parents?"
T-Bone: So I come home, and my mom is into going to the dollar store or the thrift store and buying random crap.
T-Bone: No, NOT ok. Among other bizarre things, she made wind chimes out of discarded silverware. A whole BUNCH of windchimes. We're talking Martha Stewart, but ugly. UGLY.
Me: You know you're getting some to take home with you.
T-Bone: And the crazy thing is... In the last batch? Were a bunch of drug spoons. You know, with the handles bent over?
Me: *snork* Maybe someone took a spoon bending class. Do people still do that? Did you tell her?
T-Bone: YES, of course I did, and her response was, "Oh, but the little loop makes them easier to hang...and they sound great! See....*ting* *ting* *ting*!"
Me: Oh boy. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm starting to worry a little bit about mine too. Dad's seriously out of control with the martinis, and the last time I went for dinner, he regaled us with what was essentially a long question: he was evidently very taken with some 18 year old girl who works at The Meat Market, I guess she was wearing low-rise jeans...anyway, he wanted to know how she would have a white heart-shaped mark next to her belly button. He thought it might be a scar.
T-Bone: Oh NO.
Me: So we explained about tanning beds. But you could tell he'd really been THINKING about it, if you know what I mean.
T-Bone: Men are HILARIOUS.
Me: Oh trust me, I know! And then Mom called tonight and said, "I went clothes shopping today, and it was so awful that I am officially On The Slim-Fast."
T-Bone: THE Slim-Fast?
Me: Yes, the one and only. I mentioned that exercise might be helpful, and she stated that she didn't want to commit to a class or a gym, because she wouldn't go. Her idea is that she's going to actually use the ab lounge thingie that she bought, and then for cardio, she can run back and forth down the hall.
T-Bone: Uh....She said she'd run up and down the hall? This is the same woman who has broken both of her feet just walking around in the last two years, right?
Me: That would be her. So I told her that she could try that, but that I was also going to loan her the Walk Away the Pounds DVD's. So hopefully, she'll march in front of the TV instead of bombing back and forth down the hall.
T-Bone: Do you get the feeling that "How Wacky is your Mom? " is going to be a recurring theme?
Me: I'd lay money on it. I mean, you can't make this stuff up.