Hope is the thing with feathers...and claws.

I am out of bed and I have my crosstrainers on.

Trust me when I say that I cannot believe the effort it took to accomplish that. I am not in the best place in the world, but not the worst place either, and I guess I can live with that.
___________________

I taught kids about polymers yesterday, and they got a list of things around the house that are all polymers. There are some weird things on the list (caulking, insulation, and flash cubes. Flash Cubes! Let's party like it's 1979!) so I tell the kids to circle the ones they use and to raise their hands if they have a question about what something is.

One little girl raised her hand and I came over.

"What is it sweetie?"

She pointed to one of the words on the list, which just happened to be pantyhose, and looked up at me with wide eyes.

"Is this...is this a HOSE that you use to wash your PANTIES?!!!"

I could tell she wanted to die of mortification. I am not sure if she thought she was not practicing proper panty maintenance, or that she was horrified that such a thing could exist. Why would you need to hose out your panties? OMG! Grown-ups are INSANE!

I did my level best not to laugh, and gently explained that they were tights or nylons, and yes, those were a polymer, and she seemed vastly reassurred.

Hee! Pantyhose!
_______________

Yesterday's fortune cookie: You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.

My dining partner's fortune cookie: You will always be in good health.

Since I spent yesterday wallowing in chocolate and my lunch buddy is currently in the middle of radiation therapy, the irony was lost on neither of us.

Smile, though your heart is aching

I inadvertently figured out the ultimate on "hedging your bets" today.

Guess who went to Walgreens and bought the following:

1. 3 pack of pregnancy tests
2. Box of tampons
3. two big-ass bars of chocolate.

I didn't see the funny side of this until a few hours later (t-minus one chocolate bar and counting) but the fact that I can see the humor in the situation means that I guess I am going to be OK.

Accidents happen

But evidently, they don't happen to me.

I have recently had two friends accidentally accomplish something that I have been working my ass off to achieve (and failed, repeatedly) for the last four years.

I equate it to be the emotional equivalent of spending tons of money, and slogging your way though the academic trenches to get into your dream college, only to find out that they're giving out honorary degrees to people who never even wanted to attend that school, anyway.

Somebody up there has a really fantastic sense of humor.

The Man seems to be espousing a "Hey! Things happen in threes! That leaves one up for grabs!" aesthetic, and actually, so far I am not giving in to the crying jags or the major jealousies which seem to go along with being in this particular situation. I am weirdly (eerily, spookily) calm.

More waiting and seeing- although now it's at least an amount I can deal with. Until the next round. Althouhg if you are a reular reader, it's probably become fairly obvious over time that waiting is not one of my talents. Even if it is just, say, 24 hours.

Cryptic? Yeah. Oh well!

Booty

So, I am watching Shakira perform "Hips Don't Lie" live in Germany for Live Earth.

I almost feel sorry for her. It's raining, and well. You can say what you like about the Germans, and maybe I am generalizing here, but they are not exactly a "funky" people.

I'm not kidding. She's shimmying all over the place, and yelling "Come ON!" and except for a small swath in the front, the whole audience looks confused.

I suppose she should be happy she's not in that band that performed in Antarctica, which had an audience of about 12. (Give or take a penguin.)

Rampant! Materialism! Cosmetic edition.

Okay. I have made some fantastic discoveries lately, and felt the need to share with the universe.

Lemon Aid, By Benefit

If you have veiny eyelids (as I do) this stuff is the bomb. It lightens and brightens. If you use it by itself, it gives the impression that you've gotten actual sleep. It also hangs onto your eyeshadow like no man's business.

Cosmedicine

I actually use two of these products, Optimologist and MediMatte. I have gotten a ridiculous amount to compliments on my skin (something I thought would never, ever happen) since I started using both of these.

The infamous Shu Uemura Eyelash Curler

This damn thing has been mentioned in every freaking beauty magazine and by countless celebs as the best eyelash curler money can buy. I saw it in the checkout line at Sephora and demanded that the salesperson tell me just what was so great about this thing. She said that it doesn't pinch your lids, it gives your lashes more of an honest curl rather than a sharp crimp, and it gets all your lashes in there.

Anyway, I was a sucker, and I broke down and coughed up the 18 bucks. And I am so glad that I did, because girl was not a filthy liar. I love this thing and want to sleep with it under my pillow.

Smokey Eyes by Pop Beauty

The packaging is phenomenal, and the range of colors is great. I started out very carefully, and now I use every single color in this palette at least once a week, which is no mean feat. I like to use these in conjunction with my Bare Escentuals brushes, and it's a breeze to apply, not to mention versatile and great for travel.

Kiss Me mascara by Blinc

I bought this on a whim, and so far my two best friends, sister, and mother have also acquired it, to the tune of $24 each. I should get commission. anyway, this stuff forms little tubes around your lashes, which are impervious to water, sweat and tears, but the combo of water and pressure make them slide off when you wash your face at night. It doesn't run or smudge, so "raccoon eyes" just don't happen anymore. Both Mom and Secret Squirrel solemnly say that this stuff is "life altering- I can put mascara on my bottom lashes now!" And those ladies are tough customers, so that's a serious coup.

For the budgetary minded (yeah, I'm right there with you):

Cheek Stain by Sephora

These are six bucks each right now, and they're really versatile, easy, and natural-looking. I have them in Pink and Nude, and they give you a really prety sheer wash of color.

Mineral Makeup by Physician's Formula

Yeah, drugstore makeup!

I was a Bare Minerals convert, but I would go though that stuff at a ridiculous rate, and I missed the convenience of the pressed powder for my purse. This stuff is a fantastic (and much cheaper- you get more powder for less money). The only drawback- you need a good application brush to go with it, the one in the package is crap. I use my old Bare Minerals brushes, and it works like a dream.

Releasing My Inner Dork

So, this is the month. The month of Harry Potter. And thank heavens, because I really could use some distractions right now!

I am a big enough fan to need to go to every single midnight movie and book release, but luckily not dorky enough to have a wand with my name on it, so my friends and The Man generally humor me.

Yes, we already got the tickets for the midnight showing on Tuesday. Now I just need to pre-order my book, so I can get book 7 at midnight the night before as well.

Yes, I am a large child.

Break

OK. I feel like this blog has been a huge outlet for all my doubts and negativity. I hate talking about what is happening with me right now, simply because things are so up in the air and uncertain, and I am having a hard time dealing with it.

So, I am taking a break. Hopefully my issues will be resolved sooner, rather than later, and I can go back to writing about things that are light and entertaining, rather than bitching about my back fat and the long-suffering people who make up my support system.

Thanks for reading...see you in a few.

Uh huh.

I have been sleepng a lot.

Evidently, when you mess around with your hormones, bad things happen.

I went to the gym 5 days last week. And last night, The Man snuggled up with me and says "mmmmmm...honey, have you gained weight?" He could tell by looking at my BACK. AIIIIGH!

I have. These hormones are killing me. I am trying to stay active and keep my eye on the prize, blah blah blah. Hopefully, this month, it will pay off.

Violated

I have mentioned here many times that I hate, hate, HATE having my picture taken.

I was walking into the store yesterday, when I noticed a man in a truck. He was sitting there and I THOUGHT he was talking on the phone.

"Gee, " I thought. "That phone is awfully far away from his face. He's not talking...maybe the person on the other end is really loud? And why is he moving it in an arc as I walk past?"

Then the light bulb (in my head) went off. That jerk was either filming me or taking my picture as I walked past! And there is absolutely nothing I could do about it.

I am so creeped out and irritated by this. Gah!! Gah!!!!

So either I am going to provide wanking material or I am about to become a Glamour Don't.

Recognizability

In the last three days, I have run into three people from my past. We're talking, 15 to 20 years ago.

All of them have immediately recognized me, known my name (first and last), where they knew me from, and in some cases, what college I went to and that I got married.

Granted, I wasn't on a best-friend basis with any of them (two women I went to high school with, and one guy I went to church with) . But the fact that they knew all of these things about me, when all I could do was stare blankly is a little embarrassing. I mean, I could register them as being vaguely familiar-looking but indistinguishable from the cable repairman or the next door neighbor.

There are also scads of people who "recognize" me, usually about one a week. "Don't I know you from somewhere? You look so familiar!" I just smile and say that there must be some other ahem "generously proportioned" woman with similar coloring, who looks a little bit like me.

And now I'm thinking, "Shit! What if that was my gynocologist? or someone I used to babysit?" And of course, I am drawing a complete blank.

This is getting embarrassing. Espectially because they all these people who know me from high school basically say that I look exactly the same, and I patently do not (hello, FIFTY pounds!!!!). I am guessing that looking thirty when you are actually 16 may have its benefits. Let's hope it carries over into my fifties.

So yeah, it's beginning to bother me that I can't remember names and associate them with faces. Is it just that I'm preoccupied, or do I have a brain tumor? And have I mentioned that Alzheimer's and senile dementia run in my family?

Perhaps you too will be able to recognize me in a few more decades. I will be the really young-looking old lady wearing all the sequins and a pair of bunny slippers, announcing loudly that the bed linens in the store window are "nipple pink!" While my minders discreetly try to bundle me back onto my Lark.

I think the word I am looking for is "nonplussed."

Have you ever gone out with a friend- someone who is fun, and you like them, and you get along really well....and then suddenly they get wasted and turn into a freaking weirdo?

Well, that happened to me last night. I think it may have been magnified by the fact that I was not drinking, and she was.

I feel bad, because I really do like this person, but basically she had a couple of shots and turned into a rampaging ho. She always has liked attention from men, and that's cool, but....We're talking, she was basically performing fellatio on strawberries. And rubbing my arm suggestively with a phallic object in order to garner male attention. You know. The kind of stuff that you may be able to excuse in a college student, but coming from someone in their forties....yeah.

Acting slutty and desperate is not high on my list of things to do on a Friday night. I am not a prude, but I was incredibly embarrassed to be associated with her. (I have no wish to appear slutty by association.) And I couldn't leave, because she had driven over from the restaurant.

As soon as The Man got out of work, I asked him to please, PLEASE come and get me. I asked my drunk friend to send me a text when she got home safely. I would have stayed until the bitter end, but watching her act that way was seriously torture.

She did send me a text, to the effect that one of the guys she was talking to (someone I vaguely know) had text-messaged her a picture of his penis. Oh, and she had just gotten home.

Me: He sent you a penis pic?!

Drunk Friend: Yeah! Do you want to know-

Me: NO! I am very happy not knowing. Please don't tell me.

DF: *giggles*

Me: You know, if a guy has a picture like that in his cell phone, how many women do you think he's shown it to?

DF: I dunno. Most of the guys I know have those pics in their phones.

Me: Are you serious?

DF: It's a guy thing. That, and they always have a picture of their car.

OK. Am I just a complete and utter Pollyanna? I am trying to be objective about it, but I really want to know if I am being a dork, or what. I would bet money that most of the men I know don't have a pic of the big P that they send out to random women. So either I am delusional, or her male friends are uncouth. I am thinking it's probably the latter. Any thoughts?

Here comes the sun, do do do doo

I actually ventured outside this morning. Into our back yard, which has been untouched by human hands for quite some time.

Our house was built in the early 80's, which means that 27 or so years have gone by, and therefore we have some big-ass trees out there. Also, it's a good-sized yard. Not that we ever go out in it.

It pains me to admit this, but our doggie sanitation is not the best.

I finally couldn't stand it anymore and decided to get to work this morning. I grabbed the scooper, and took about 30 minutes to get things back to a point where they were at least livable. Then I grabbed the loppers and a hedge trimmer, and went a little nuts. There are two enormous piles of brush obscuring our entire back lawn, but I need to let them dry out so they can be shredded into mulch.

I also pulled a bunch of weeds and dug up two dead stumps and ripped out a bunch of seedlings.

Bear, our big dumb dog, is part Chow, which means he sheds a serious undercoat every year. I swept off the patio, and ended up with a pile of fuzz that was the size of a sheep.

Then since the patio was clean, I decided to break up the spider convention that has been congregating on the stucco siding of our house.

The upshot is, I spent 4 hours outside, and I have sort of reclaimed the back yard.
Woohoo! I am proud. Amd it counts as exercise, right?

Weekend Wrap-Up #6

Well, it was bound to happen eventually!

I have been trying a "new thing".

I'm not going to draw too many conclusions, but on paper, this week looks like crap.

I have gained 4 lbs.

Before I started to freak out, I remembered this:

I did have one bad day of eating, but I know that there is no logical reason for a 4 lb. weight gain. The bad eating wasn't up to "ate an entire cheesecake" levels.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that Trader Joe's is out of my fave high fiber cereal? We'll see if we can't eradicate that problem this week.

Add to that fact that I have been taking meds that seriously mess with my hormones.

Also, I am raring to go back to the gym, but online research and pleas from The Man make me think that I should lie low this past week and the coming week. I do have some yoga DVD's, and I plan to be doing a lot of work around the house and walking on the treadmill. So all is not lost, although I do feel like a slacker. I will still be as motivated (for better or worse) in a week or so.

Still, four pounds! Aiiigh! OK, girl, shake it off. Your jeans still fit just as loosely as they did last week.

Add to that, I finally met up with an old friend for lunch. She has lost 60 lbs, and is a shadow of her former self. (And she didn't warn me before we met up, either!)

She looks great, and she is going through a divorce, so I find it difficult to be resentful. Plus, I can't be too bitter, because she is taking diet pills, which I know works for me, because of the wanting to have a baby thing, and also because I have tried them, and they do work, but they also make me a little insane.

Still it made it a little easier to decline the buttermilk spice muffin from Mimi's the other day.

That's right, I turned down a muffin and gained 4 lbs. Hopefully I'll have better karma next week!

Eh.

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Weekend Wrap-up #6

It's Sunday....and therefore, it is time for the weekend wrap-up.

Scheduling my gym appointments the night before has been invaluable. I am a lot less likely to skip out if I have reserved a block of time in advance. After the trial run this week, I think 2 days on, 1 day off, 2 days on, 2 days off as a schedule really works well for me.

It has been a fantastic week in terms of getting on track and just going for it. I made it to the gym 4 times this week, once for Zumba class, and the other three occasions I was giving Mr. Elliptical the workout of his life.

I am thinking that I need to come up with a more catchy moniker for poor Mr. Elliptical. We spend a lot of time together. Ed, maybe? I'll think about it. The Man actually refers to the gym as "your other boyfriend." So this would tie in nicely.

I was ellipticallating (or something) away the other day, blaring The Fratellis on my gigabeat, when a slim older lady stopped in front to me and made little bowing motions at me. When I yanked my earbuds out so I could hear her, she said, "I just wanted to tell you: I can't stop watching you. You're an inspiration! Have a great day!!!!"

OK, weird, but nice. Well meant. Right? I am trying to interpret it in a positive way, not in a "Congratulations, fat person, for getting up off the couch and ditching the ho-ho's!" kind of way.
I know. I am the only person alive who would put that kind of spin on it. I need to cut that out.

Weight-wise, I am down to where I was after the nasty barfing incident of a few weeks ago. But my body is in a much better place, I know that more of the weight is muscle than it was before. I can feel that my body is poised to gain more ground and lose more pounds. I do need to measure, because I know I have lost inches.

The best part is that I can see the difference, and so can other people, which is kind of hilarious. Evidently, it kind of snuck up on all of us. I got out of the car the other night, and my two buddies both said, "Whoa!!! HOW much weight have you lost?!!"

It's only 15 lbs. I keep telling myself that. It's not a lot of weight, and I have lost it pretty slowly. Most of the time, I can't even tell the difference. But evidently, other people can.

And actually, if I think about it, 15 lbs. is approximately 1/3 of the way to my first goal. I am 1/3 of the way closer to losing 45 lbs! It's pretty hard to believe.

Today is the first day that I noticed a real, visible, physical difference. I was wearing my babydoll pj's, and I realized that my legs looked a lot thinner. (Thanks, Ed!) So I decided to dig into the Drawer Of Shame.

The Drawer of Shame is a relic of yesteryear. It is a testament to my delisional consumer-driven folly.

Basically, Old Navy was having a great sale on shorts, and I bought FIVE pairs of them without trying them on, which is a mistake I will never make again. Because of course, when I did get home, I tried to put them on. And every last pair was low-rise, way too tight to button, and also had an inseam which just was not going to work, to put it politely.

I banished them to the Drawer Of Shame. I have hated my legs for the past two years anyway, so I didn't even think about them until today. I rescued them from the drawer with doubt written all over my face, and I tried them on.

And they fit!!!! THEY FIT!!!!!!

I am wearing the khaki pair right now. Yeeehaaaaa!

Oh the Humanity

Weird, weird couple of days.

I haven't been posting, mainly because "I worked! And I went to the gym!" is kind of a yawner.

And then this afternoon I will be cleaning (More yawns.)

I have been going out with the girls for the past two nights, which has been entertaining. Since I am the old married lady of the three of us (BowGirl doesn't count) I am enjoying the opportunity to rest on my laurels and show 20 % less boob.

Things I have learned from being the married friend:

1. Being married? Not necessarily a deterrent.

Out of the last 5 men who have hit on me, when I dropped the bombshell that I was married, three of them said "Oh! Me too!"
Seriously. Like we had something amazing in common, like being obsessed with Scrabble or secretly watching Golden Girls re-runs.

2. The self-image of many men has no basis in reality.

The guy who is 60 if he's a day comes up to my friends and I.
"Well...you ladies must be a lot younger than me, but I thought I'd come and talk to you anyway!

We are polite girls. We introduced ourselves. Which is a mistake, because Jay who was wearing a stained day-glo orance t-shirt stretched revealingly over his beer gut, had an actual CANE that he kept making obscene motions with and had evidently never heard of the phrase, "Say it, don't spray it."

He lingered throughout the evening like a bad smell. Hey we talked to him...we must want him!

3. Male awkwardness? Strangely cute...at least, to me.
It's kind of an aphrodesiac to know that you're making some guy so nervous and jittery that he knocks his drink over when he is trying to convey to you exactly HOW cool his motorcycle is.

Of course, it also helps if the guy in question is cute. YMMV.

4. Other women glaring at you can be a good thing.

On one hand, it makes you really uncomfortable. On the other hand, since you haven't committed any scorching faux-pas, it must be because you look really hot and they feel threatened.

At least, that's what I tell myself.


5. If you head out to a dive, giving yourself a "bar name" makes the evening.

Seriously. Whenever Tiffany, Crystal, and Lula Mae get together, we are unstoppable.

Yeah...guess which one I am?

Zoom Zoom

I did wake up at 5 yesterday.

The fact that I am going to have to do it again kind of makes my brain squeak in terror, but I will, because the Zumba class? Most. Fun. Ever.

One of my favorite parts is that the instructor isn't skinny. Hooray!

I took the day off from the gym today- date night is tonight, and I also don't want to burn out. I am actually forcing myself to NOT go to the gym this morning, which feels kind of crazy.

In other news, my visit to the doctor yesterday went well. Scary meds should commence this evening. I am battening down the hatches for the inevitable weeping and crankiness that are soon to come.

I have already been a little....well, miffed. Probably because of sleep deprivation. I know that's a part of it- The Man doesn't come home until midnight, and I am up until at least one, and then getting up at 5 or 6 AM...well.

The other factor is of course, the computer games.

The Man has noticed my crankiness, and has been doing that man thing where he offers to help 2 seconds before I finish the thing I am doing.

Like, "Do you want help with dinner?" when I have already finished making spaghetti, sauce, squash, steamed broccoli, and am taking the garlic bread out from under the broiler. We like spaghetti, so I made a ton of it and also of the sides, so we could have it for lunches the rest of the week.

So last night I said, "You know what honey? I am exhausted, and I am going to bed early. Would you mind putting away the food? "

Sure, he said, no problem.

I just got up and looked in the fridge, and maybe I am overreacting, but I just want to cry.

Evidently he stayed up playing games long after I went to bed, and then just threw the food into the fridge as is. No Tupperware. No Saran Wrap. It's just thrown haphazardly into bowls or left naked on the plate I served it on. My first impulse was to drag it out and then haphazardly repackage it...but why?

The (Huge! Expensive!)squash that I steamed for a week of lunches is ruined. Broccoli is completely out of the question. The spaghetti is a rubbery wad of gluey noodles, because he didn't add the sauce to it. The sauce may be salvageable, but I am wondering how long it sat out on the counter before he put it away, and of course, it has meat in it.

The garlic bread is conspicuously absent.

Part of me wants to go into the bedroom, wake him up, and scream at him.

I was so happy when he offered to help. I feel like this is a deliberate attempt to keep me from taking him up on his offers of help again. He didn't even bother to think about it or make an effort, and he's wasted a hour or so of MY time in the process, not to mention the extra cooking and shopping time I will have to put in to make up for it. So, that's wasted money, not only from buying the first round of food, but the second time around, as well.

And, did I mention, it was his day off yesterday? He did not do one damned thing. I came home from work and made dinner for him, when he sat on his butt playing games all day long.

Something's gotta give. What would you do in this situation??

Aha! Ahahahahaha!

I went to the gym this morning.

You can't see me, but I am totally doing the Cabbage Patch.

I got my picture taken. I did not die. Hopped onto my good old friend Mr. Elliptical, and we hobnobbed for about 35 minutes. ROCKED out to my new gigabeat Gym Playlist.

On the way out, I grabbed an aerobics class schedule. They've remodeled, and there are a bunch of new classes, including a brand new Zumba class.

It's only offered at 5:30 AM on Tuesdays. And before you laugh, I am SO THERE tomorrow.

Holy crap, I am using a lot of caps. Maybe it's because of the endorphins. Or...well, the apocalypse may be upon us.
(You'll know it's here when I add a stick figure floating Jesus to the back window of my car.)

I feel good. So good, in fact, that I went to WalMart (bear with me) and floated through it buying sports bras and water bottles and yoga pants. Oh, and some contact lens solution.
And (here is the important part) I WAS STILL IN A GOOD MOOD when I left. That totally never happens.

Reason 84 why I may be going to hell

I just saw this post over at SaraDru about those stick figures that people have on the back of their cars. You know the ones...three little girls, small medium, large, then a baby boy, complete with bunting, mom, dad...and occasionally the dog, cat, hedgehog, what have you.

I freaking hate those things. HATE them. And her post jogged my memory.

Secret Squirrel: What the hell is that on the back of the car?

JSQ: Someone has about 15 kids??!

We stare in disbelief.

Secret Squirrel: There's a figure floating in the middle.

JSQ: Oooookay people!

Secret Squirrel: Maybe it's Jesus!

We ponder this.

JSQ: It could be Jesus. I don't see a halo, though.

JSQ: Maybe they're a bigamist!

Secret Squirrel: I think it's Jesus. Seriously, it's floating in the middle of the back window above everyone's head. Wearing a robe.

JSQ: Are we really having this conversation?

JSQ: If you speed up, I can totally read the lettering.

JSQ: It's not Jesus. It says "Grandma".

Secret Squirrel: I don't believe this.

JSQ: Grandma is wearing a caftan.

Secret Squirrel: Why is Grandma floating in the air?

JSQ: There's not much room for her on the ground...that gang of stick figures takes up the whole bottom of the window.

JSQ: Maybe she's a hip grandma...she's crowd surfing.

Secret Squirrel: Hmmmm....or, Grandma could be dead.

JSQ: Dude, I hope not, because I think Grandma is driving that car.

Weekend Wrap-up #5

It's been several more weeks than that, but I have literally been dragging my ass.

Anyway- Happy Mother's Day!

After the exorcist-style puking extravaganza of a week or so ago, the dust cleared, and I had lost 15 lbs. It's taken awhile for the scale to equalize, but I am now at a solid 10 lb. loss, which evidently shows. My MIL and my own mom and dad commented on it. Of course, Dad also noticed that I was wearing black nailpolish. (I only got a raised eyebrow. Maybe he finally accepts that I know what I'm doing?)

My sister also demanded to know what the hell I was doing to my skin. After fighting with the largest organ of my body for approximately 15 years or so, my skin has finally aquiesced. I have found the magical cocktail of prescription meds and cleansers that it seems to be happy with.

Now I just need to take it to the next level. I have been flirting with exercise, but we're not even what I would call a booty-call basis with each other. And my eating has been nothing if not sporadically well-behaved. I start out angelic, make it through lunch...and it's all downhill from there. There have been lots of nights out with the girls, and inevitably, we end up in a booze-soaked haze- either at Denny's or chowing down on greasy bar appetizers. There's not enough Fiber-One in the world to undo that damage. So, it's back to the full-blown Beach starting tomorrow.

Mom announced today that she has kept me on her gym membership. I thought that she was going to remove me in March. So....back I go! I do have to take a picture for my updated ID. (Bleah! Bleah!)

I am scheduling my gym visits in my planner, just like my appointments for doctor visits and work. I know that as long as I can't commit to exercise, the weight is just not going to come off. (How many times have I said this? Please don't remind me!)

I need to be realistic about the fact that, as much as I HATE having my picture taken, the camera will not actually turn me into dust.

I am probably going to go to the doctor and start tinkering with baby-type-stuff this week, so it will be good to go on the offensive before I become a teary, pimply, bloated freak of nature. (note to self- get gym pic taken before then.)

I know evryone isn't comfy with all that info...please know that I don't expect you to comment, or to know the right thing to say (there really isn't one.) All I ask is, please think happy thoughts for me!