Saturday, May 19, 2007

Oh the Humanity

Weird, weird couple of days.

I haven't been posting, mainly because "I worked! And I went to the gym!" is kind of a yawner.

And then this afternoon I will be cleaning (More yawns.)

I have been going out with the girls for the past two nights, which has been entertaining. Since I am the old married lady of the three of us (BowGirl doesn't count) I am enjoying the opportunity to rest on my laurels and show 20 % less boob.

Things I have learned from being the married friend:

1. Being married? Not necessarily a deterrent.

Out of the last 5 men who have hit on me, when I dropped the bombshell that I was married, three of them said "Oh! Me too!"
Seriously. Like we had something amazing in common, like being obsessed with Scrabble or secretly watching Golden Girls re-runs.

2. The self-image of many men has no basis in reality.

The guy who is 60 if he's a day comes up to my friends and I.
" ladies must be a lot younger than me, but I thought I'd come and talk to you anyway!

We are polite girls. We introduced ourselves. Which is a mistake, because Jay who was wearing a stained day-glo orance t-shirt stretched revealingly over his beer gut, had an actual CANE that he kept making obscene motions with and had evidently never heard of the phrase, "Say it, don't spray it."

He lingered throughout the evening like a bad smell. Hey we talked to him...we must want him!

3. Male awkwardness? Strangely least, to me.
It's kind of an aphrodesiac to know that you're making some guy so nervous and jittery that he knocks his drink over when he is trying to convey to you exactly HOW cool his motorcycle is.

Of course, it also helps if the guy in question is cute. YMMV.

4. Other women glaring at you can be a good thing.

On one hand, it makes you really uncomfortable. On the other hand, since you haven't committed any scorching faux-pas, it must be because you look really hot and they feel threatened.

At least, that's what I tell myself.

5. If you head out to a dive, giving yourself a "bar name" makes the evening.

Seriously. Whenever Tiffany, Crystal, and Lula Mae get together, we are unstoppable.

Yeah...guess which one I am?

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