Thursday, January 25, 2007

Oliver Stone Theory

My mom has always thought that there was something wrong with me.

I have to admit, having to fight with horrible acne and my weight has not been fun. But Mom always insisted that these things were CONNECTED, along with my general laissez-faire attitude towards things like...oh, I don't know, my cavalier attitude towards school, and my tendency to sleep for 12 hours at a stretch.

I always felt like it was sort of a cop-out to blame every problem that I had on some mystery disease. "Yes, I am screwed up, but if we find the magic connection, all I have to do is take a pill....BING! All better!"

I did humor her though. I've had tons of blood panels done over the years, testing my thyroid, hormones, you name it. Nothing abnormal ever showed up.

Then yesterday, I went to my new acupuncturist. He looked over my paperwork, and paused at my fertility charts.

"Where on earth did you get this chart?" he asked, scrunching up his face.

"Oh- I had to make my own spreadsheet. My temps were a lot lower than all the pre-fab ones I could find."

He raised his eyebrows at me. "Didn't that strike you as a little odd?"

"Well, yeah, I asked my doctor about it, and he said my labs didn't show anything unusual."

"You're dipping down into temps of 95. This is a huge red flag that you're hypothyroid, which is a major factor in undiagnosed infertility. It would explain your acne, the weight, and the problems you've been having getting pregnant."

I sort of blinked at him. I actually read something to this effect in numerous places, showed those same charts to my doctor, and he pooh-poohed it.

Anyway, I was still sitting there stunned, when things got even weirder. Evidently, the new acupuncturist practices some kind of allergy abatement, called NAET. He asked if he could run some NAET tests on me. I didn't know what the hell those were, so I sort of nodded dazedly.

He explained that NAET involves me holding a vial in one hand, and then he would test my body's response by pulling down on my free arm to evaluate strength or weakness.

Aside from making me feel like a human slot machine, stuff like this makes me do that internal eyeroll. (aka, "What a load of crap!") But I acquiesced, and what the hell?

Evidently, my body is not processing iodine correctly, which would of course, affect my thyroid function. He also detected imbalances surrounding calcium, and my progesterone levels.

I was still skeptical, but polite. "Um....okay."

He laughed. And then he said, "Let's should have a tender point...about HERE." And he poked me gently with a finger, and I yelled "OW!" and jumped about three feet into the air.

He continued, "You're probably prone to X, Y, and Z. You're going to need to cut out caffiene, which will help with X and Y. Regular treatment to restore your system's balance should help with Z."

That was the part that really freaked me out. These were symptoms that I hadn't bothered to mention to him, stuff I have dealt with for so long that I just considered it to be something that EVERYONE deals with, but evidently not.

So we chatted some more, and he gave me a bunch of options, and ended with, "Look, I could be wrong. But I advise you to also go to your regular doctor and have him run some heavy-duty thyroid tests, and see if you can get a medical prescription if you feel more comfortable with that. If your doctor won't listen, I advise you to find someone who will. I think this is something you should pursue, before spending thousands of dollars on IUI's and IVF, which have a very slim chance of working, especially if you are hypothyroid."

On top of that, he prescribes Chinese herbal medicines in pill NO MORE ASS TEA. Hallelujah!

So I had a lot to think about. We chatted while he stimulated points on my spine with massage, then he placed the acupuncture needles, and I was knocked out, which never, ever happens to me. They came back in a few minutes to revive me, and the rest of the day is a blur.

So- I can try (again) to get my doctor to do more tests. or I have another option, to purchase natural thyroid online, which freaks me out a little bit. Hopefully, my doctor will listen to me!

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