Saturday, January 20, 2007

Do I look omnipotent to you?

Heading out to work yesterday, I pulled into the left hand turn lane behind a big white truck.

I sat, waiting for the light to change, and idly sipping my Diet Lipton Green tea (love. LOVE!) and enjoying the fact that it was Friday. I checked out the back tailgate of the white truck, and noted both the holy fish and the JesusFREAK bumper sticker. Well, that, and the fact that Mr. White Truck was in the turn lane, but he wasn't using his turn signal.

The light turned green. The truck didn't move. Okay...

I have a policy for horn usage. The thing is, my car horn isn't a peppy, delicate little beep! It seriously means business, and I have no control over the volume. Whether I tap it or punch it, it's loud no matter what.

So if someone is snoozing through a red light, I give them three seconds to respond before I use my horn. If you snooze for three seconds at a green light, and you aren't using your turn signal, I reserve the right to assume that you are too busy talking on your cell phone to notice what's up.

So, I honked. Heaven help me! Let the flailing begin!

The guy shot out into the intersection, and began making wild "WHAT?!!!" gestures in his rearview mirror, alternated with shaking his fist at me. He changed lanes (again without signaling) to get next to my car, and kept gesticulating angrily the entire time. Hello, road rage!

So I get into the turn lane to get on the freeway, and he screeched towards me and cut off another car, then swerved at my car like he was going to hit me on purpose.
He was going to make me fear for my life, because I had the audacity to HONK at him!

As he roared off, I held my bottle of green tea aloft in a jaunty motion. Which could be construed creatively as "Here's to you!" Although the expression on my face was probably closer to "Up yours!"

I didn't voice what I was thinking. But I totally wanted to scream out the window, "Hello, you hypocrite? JESUS can SEE YOU!!!"

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