Thursday, February 01, 2007

We now interrupt this commercial...

1. I just finished watching the finale of Top Chef. Yawn.

While Marcel is a pain in the ass and says "Like" for every other word and has ridiculous hair that makes him look like the illegitimate son of Wolverine, at least he was up front about being a competitive jerk. I sort of wanted him to win.

Also...Sam? Quite possibly the love child of Clive Owen and Jason Bateman. And there can be no higher praise from me. I love how Padma started to cry when she had to send him home, thus no longer being able to preen in his hot prescence.

2. I love the dog food commecial that has all the people with their 14-15 year old pooches on there. My fave is the individual who has the shitzus named....wait for it.....Judy and Liza. Now, that's fabulous.

3. The song in the new iPod commercial has been haunting me. It makes me alternately headbang and flip my hair around wildly, which is what I look for in most of my music. After trawling the Internets to figure out the elusive band, I found The Music Slut, who informs us all that the song is "Flathead", by the Fratellis.

The Man is already heartily sick of me playing it. Don't tell him I just ordered the whole damn thing from Amazon. Because I am adding it to my exercise mix.

4. If you want to be a snarky beeyotch, by all means, find some ballroom dancing on TV. Mystic Tans, sequins, marabou, fake eyelashes, body glitter, plastic wigs, delusions of grandeur, sequins, enough rhinestones to bedazzle Graceland, guys with scary perma-grins and grandiose hand-stylings who occasionally accidentally bitch-slap their partners in their enthusiasm...

Seriously. It's like MST3K on crack. It's almost too easy.

jsq: How old is that girl?!!

secret_sqrl: Dude, she is twelve. Do you think her mom knows?

jsq: No twelve year old should legally be able to shake her ass like that.

secret_sqrl: It just looks wrong. Is she wearing marabou? Where is Harvey Keitel?

jsq: Next, on America's Smooth Dance Ultra Sequined Latin Dance Finals! Five year olds dry-humping!


secret_sqrl: That man is wearing butt-enhancing briefs.

jsq: Really?

secret_sqrl: Look- I see the line.

jsq: No, I am pretty sure that all him.

secret_sqrl: How is that possible?!

jsq: I think it's the result of jumping up and down on his tiptoes for hours a day.

secret_sqrl: I don't think it ends there.

jsq: Well, he's Polish...and he's 20. Maybe one of those things is a factor.

secret_sqrl: We should look him up online. What's his name?

jsq: I dunno. We should Google "bootylicious." I'm sure he'd be in there somewhere.

OK, this is sad. I totally need to do something other than watch TV.

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