Sorry East Coasters.

Damn, the Oscars just seem to get longer every year.

I leave you with ten thoughts:

1. YES!!! MARTY WINS IT!!!! Let's face it, as soon as we saw the Big Three out on stage it was basically inevitable. That is one happy little man with some seriously outrageous eyebrows. I bet they crawl off his face at night to feast on the blood of the living.

2. Reese Witherspoon: Girl. Please eat some ice cream. Are you doing a remake up Buffy The Vampire Slayer? The twist could be that you use your uber pointy chin to stab the bloodsuckers through the heart.

3. God, the new bald Jack Nicholson is shiny. Between the glare off the sunglasses and his head and his teeth, he could only be more blinding if he were wearing a tinfoil tuxedo.

4. Happy Feet beat out Cars? Who was smoking what illicit substances? Can you use the alleged "rolling papers" that Ellen found to spark up The Crack?

5. Re: Philip Seymour Hoffman. Dude. Someone needs to be soused in sheep dip and/or fumigated. My guess is that his only concession to personal hygeine was to duct-tape a roach motel into each of his festering armpits. Possibly.

Look, Philip, we know you're never going to look like Clooney, but you know...brush your hair. And maybe bathe, at least fortnightly. That's all we ask.

I did laugh out loud when they announced him as "America's Sexiest Man Alive who has ever played Truman Capote.

Frankly, if I were Toby Jones, that would seriously piss me off.

6. How did I not know that Altman died? What rock was I under? Alas, The Internets have failed me.

7. Speaking of The Internets, the erstwhile "inventor", Al Gore? Okay, was anyone surprised that he won? Yawn.

8. Eddie Murphy: No, you didn't win. Consider it a judgement on you for Norbit. Oh, and for Scary Spice. Dumping your pregnant girlfriend on Swedish TV has to be a big black mark against you in the 'ol karma department.

9. Jennifer Hudson won everything. Damn, that girl has pipes. I love that rrrrred dress. However, I'm worried that she has reached max sauration. People are getting sick of her already. Hmm...Beyonce's dress isn't bad, but her wig appears to be attacking her at intervals.

10. Bloody hell, how far over time limit has this thing gome? I'm yawning, and I'm on the West Coast!