Number Five

Well, this is it! The big number five.

This picture was taken in Monterey, the weekend we got engaged.

We've both gained a few pounds since then, and are definitely not as tan, but we're still as disgustingly lovey as a couple of teenagers. Not like we make out in front of everyone, but we do hold hands a lot.

My relatives refer to us as "the lovebirds". Which is sweet.

Happy Anniversary, my love!
As you put it, five down, ninety-five more to go.

Love, Jenna

Uh....

Has anyone read the latest HP yet?

I have already read it twice. Eeeeeeeeeeee!

Blue Jean Baby

Oh Lane Bryant.

Sometimes, you get it so very wrong. But every once in awhile, it is so, so right.

Ladies, if you are of the plus-size persuasion, this is some seriosuly great news.

Lane Bryant has decided to come up with three different figure types for their jeans. Jeans which have no sequins anywhere. One cut for women who are hourglass, one for women who are more pear-shaped, and one for women who are slimmer through the hip and thigh, but have a bigger waist.

I have always had a problem with jeans, particularly since this whole low-rise thing has been going on. I am long-waisted, which means that those jeans inevitably hit me at the widest part of my hip, and barely cover anything that they need to cover. And if they fit me in the waist, they are huge through the seat and thighs.

I love the new jeans at LB. LOVE them. They are even better than my so-called "magic" jeans, those Long & Lean jeans from The Gap.

I was looking in the mirror in astonishment, and accidentally sold two other women on them.

One of them actually insisted that I needed to turn around and look at my ass in the three-way mirror.

"Seriously...sweetheart! Years from now, you will want to remember how your butt looks in those jeans! Take a picture or something when you get home!"

Wow. Trust me...if those jeans can do that for me, what can they do for you?

Hope is the thing with feathers...and claws.

I am out of bed and I have my crosstrainers on.

Trust me when I say that I cannot believe the effort it took to accomplish that. I am not in the best place in the world, but not the worst place either, and I guess I can live with that.
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I taught kids about polymers yesterday, and they got a list of things around the house that are all polymers. There are some weird things on the list (caulking, insulation, and flash cubes. Flash Cubes! Let's party like it's 1979!) so I tell the kids to circle the ones they use and to raise their hands if they have a question about what something is.

One little girl raised her hand and I came over.

"What is it sweetie?"

She pointed to one of the words on the list, which just happened to be pantyhose, and looked up at me with wide eyes.

"Is this...is this a HOSE that you use to wash your PANTIES?!!!"

I could tell she wanted to die of mortification. I am not sure if she thought she was not practicing proper panty maintenance, or that she was horrified that such a thing could exist. Why would you need to hose out your panties? OMG! Grown-ups are INSANE!

I did my level best not to laugh, and gently explained that they were tights or nylons, and yes, those were a polymer, and she seemed vastly reassurred.

Hee! Pantyhose!
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Yesterday's fortune cookie: You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.

My dining partner's fortune cookie: You will always be in good health.

Since I spent yesterday wallowing in chocolate and my lunch buddy is currently in the middle of radiation therapy, the irony was lost on neither of us.

Smile, though your heart is aching

I inadvertently figured out the ultimate on "hedging your bets" today.

Guess who went to Walgreens and bought the following:

1. 3 pack of pregnancy tests
2. Box of tampons
3. two big-ass bars of chocolate.

I didn't see the funny side of this until a few hours later (t-minus one chocolate bar and counting) but the fact that I can see the humor in the situation means that I guess I am going to be OK.

Accidents happen

But evidently, they don't happen to me.

I have recently had two friends accidentally accomplish something that I have been working my ass off to achieve (and failed, repeatedly) for the last four years.

I equate it to be the emotional equivalent of spending tons of money, and slogging your way though the academic trenches to get into your dream college, only to find out that they're giving out honorary degrees to people who never even wanted to attend that school, anyway.

Somebody up there has a really fantastic sense of humor.

The Man seems to be espousing a "Hey! Things happen in threes! That leaves one up for grabs!" aesthetic, and actually, so far I am not giving in to the crying jags or the major jealousies which seem to go along with being in this particular situation. I am weirdly (eerily, spookily) calm.

More waiting and seeing- although now it's at least an amount I can deal with. Until the next round. Althouhg if you are a reular reader, it's probably become fairly obvious over time that waiting is not one of my talents. Even if it is just, say, 24 hours.

Cryptic? Yeah. Oh well!

Booty

So, I am watching Shakira perform "Hips Don't Lie" live in Germany for Live Earth.

I almost feel sorry for her. It's raining, and well. You can say what you like about the Germans, and maybe I am generalizing here, but they are not exactly a "funky" people.

I'm not kidding. She's shimmying all over the place, and yelling "Come ON!" and except for a small swath in the front, the whole audience looks confused.

I suppose she should be happy she's not in that band that performed in Antarctica, which had an audience of about 12. (Give or take a penguin.)

Rampant! Materialism! Cosmetic edition.

Okay. I have made some fantastic discoveries lately, and felt the need to share with the universe.

Lemon Aid, By Benefit

If you have veiny eyelids (as I do) this stuff is the bomb. It lightens and brightens. If you use it by itself, it gives the impression that you've gotten actual sleep. It also hangs onto your eyeshadow like no man's business.

Cosmedicine

I actually use two of these products, Optimologist and MediMatte. I have gotten a ridiculous amount to compliments on my skin (something I thought would never, ever happen) since I started using both of these.

The infamous Shu Uemura Eyelash Curler

This damn thing has been mentioned in every freaking beauty magazine and by countless celebs as the best eyelash curler money can buy. I saw it in the checkout line at Sephora and demanded that the salesperson tell me just what was so great about this thing. She said that it doesn't pinch your lids, it gives your lashes more of an honest curl rather than a sharp crimp, and it gets all your lashes in there.

Anyway, I was a sucker, and I broke down and coughed up the 18 bucks. And I am so glad that I did, because girl was not a filthy liar. I love this thing and want to sleep with it under my pillow.

Smokey Eyes by Pop Beauty

The packaging is phenomenal, and the range of colors is great. I started out very carefully, and now I use every single color in this palette at least once a week, which is no mean feat. I like to use these in conjunction with my Bare Escentuals brushes, and it's a breeze to apply, not to mention versatile and great for travel.

Kiss Me mascara by Blinc

I bought this on a whim, and so far my two best friends, sister, and mother have also acquired it, to the tune of $24 each. I should get commission. anyway, this stuff forms little tubes around your lashes, which are impervious to water, sweat and tears, but the combo of water and pressure make them slide off when you wash your face at night. It doesn't run or smudge, so "raccoon eyes" just don't happen anymore. Both Mom and Secret Squirrel solemnly say that this stuff is "life altering- I can put mascara on my bottom lashes now!" And those ladies are tough customers, so that's a serious coup.

For the budgetary minded (yeah, I'm right there with you):

Cheek Stain by Sephora

These are six bucks each right now, and they're really versatile, easy, and natural-looking. I have them in Pink and Nude, and they give you a really prety sheer wash of color.

Mineral Makeup by Physician's Formula

Yeah, drugstore makeup!

I was a Bare Minerals convert, but I would go though that stuff at a ridiculous rate, and I missed the convenience of the pressed powder for my purse. This stuff is a fantastic (and much cheaper- you get more powder for less money). The only drawback- you need a good application brush to go with it, the one in the package is crap. I use my old Bare Minerals brushes, and it works like a dream.

Releasing My Inner Dork

So, this is the month. The month of Harry Potter. And thank heavens, because I really could use some distractions right now!

I am a big enough fan to need to go to every single midnight movie and book release, but luckily not dorky enough to have a wand with my name on it, so my friends and The Man generally humor me.

Yes, we already got the tickets for the midnight showing on Tuesday. Now I just need to pre-order my book, so I can get book 7 at midnight the night before as well.

Yes, I am a large child.