Sunday, May 28, 2006

Why I don't usually drink wine.

I went to a wine tasting, which was hosted by the military-type people that my hubby works with. Since I am not a wine drinker, more of a martini-type gal, I was a little hesitant, but was reassured that this was supposed to be "wine tasting for the ignorant." OKay.

We brought an Italian wine, Prosecco (I think) which is one of the few wines I enjoy drinking. Other selections ranged from a really nice bottle of Merlot to "wine from the dollar store". And no, I don't remember what it was called, and I didn't frink any, but was informed that it was actually not bad.

At some point (after a few glasses) I heard the opening strains of "Toxic" playing on the stereo, and had a slight panic attack.

Me: Ack! Britney Spears? Britney SPEARS??!!

Military Guy: What's wrong with Britney?

Me: *wheezing* Britney Spears should not be playing at a wine tasting.

The Man: Come on Jenna! Get up and dance!

Me: Ok. Quick! Someone bring me a boa constrictor! And the gold chain mail loincloth!

After a few more glasses...we start discussing the movie Sideways.

Me: What's up wih the revolting male nudity?

Mildly Stunned military guys: Huh?!!!

Me: You assholes get gratuitous boobs everywhere. We get that trucker guy in Sideways, and Harvey FREAKING Keitel.

Military guys: *silence*

Me: Hey, I am not saying that I want to see penises everywhere, but just maybe one or two, attached to more attractive people. In the interest of fairness.

Military guys: *looking pointedly at my husband*

Me: Sorry, I seem to have the wrong audience.

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